Friday, November 7, 2014

Has it really been that long?

It doesn't feel like it's been over 2 months since I posted anything...but I guess it has been...
The part 2 months have been very eventful....mostly not good...I can't even put into words all of how I've felt these past months...
Grandpa, I love you and miss you so much! How I wish you were here now...I feel like I can't breath, the world has come crashing lower then I ever thought possible...I know I'm having an anxiety attack, my first ever...but probably not my last...I'd be crying in yours and grandmas arms if you were here today...I don't know what to do! I just want hide away and cry but I can't, there's not time...
Today is Js first birthday..it's supposed to be a day of happiness...a celebration of a little boy but no, I can't...I can't get past the unknown...13 days and we find out what happens...how did it ever come to this?! Stupid greedy people!
J has your cheeky smile...he has your stubbornness...he even has you're white hair...it's like you live on in him. It usually brings me comfort..,but not tonight...tonight I worry about the unknown...oh Js fine...the others are fine...we are all fine physically...but so much else is not right in our lives...ilegal things are being allowed to be done towards us...it makes me sick just thinking about it. Money. The worlds evil. Can buy one anything....even the downfall of another...


...I don't know when I'll update next...I might later if I can make a happy day for my baby...please pray whoever reads this...

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