Saturday, May 25, 2013

Sometimes you Jus Gotta Put Your Foot Down...

so the house that Mom's been staying in needs to be moved from it's location...my Mom would rather a trailer house then this house...so we decided we'll sell the house, not expect much for it at all...since it has to be moved...and get her a trailer what's left over can get my DH his much needed GED. I got a buyer, Mom's got a list of unneeded wants that the money has to go towards and has told me to forget DH's GED he can get it "anytime" well THAT is why he doesn't have it already! It's high time he gets this GED! why? so he can actually GET A JOB that can support the family...right now we're barely scraping by and that's really putting it nicely. So I've put my foot down, I know I'm backed by my brother and my Daddy on this as I have informed them of what happened and why. I've informed my Mom I'll get her her trailer and all it's immediate costs (electric hookup/transfer, lot rent for the 1st month, and any down payment the trailer park has...I'll also make sure snow removal/lawn care is cared for for her...also pay for her to move there) so really she's getting a heckalot of "things" it's jus not ALL her WANTS being met here so she's now mad at me...but my DH NEEDS his GED he's 27 yrs old and can't even get a job at McDonald's cuz of his lack of GED...that's when you know it's bad...so his GED is a NEED my Mom NEEDS a house...all the rest is wants really...and this isn't even considering the electric hookup and such for the farm house that I'm still not living in due to the septic tank not being in yet...well once that goes in (next month) I still don't expect to get to live there cuz I don't expect to get to pay to hook up the electric (LP tank is FULL, water is well...electric is really the only immediate hookup cost for me...) why don't I expect this 1 fairly minor thing to be able to happen? cuz I don't expect there to be much left after everything else that needs to be done gets done...I know it'll be a fight to the finish to get my DH his GED but I really can't keep stepping back and letting my Mom have it all...honestly it's MY house we're selling so it's MY money she's spending...and if you think that sounds greedy since it's the house she's living in you should know that she's not paid any rent to live there only her city bill and I do plan to get her a trailer so she will have a house to live in...I also have lived my life having to run to my Grandparents for clothes jus so I'd have something that fit to go to school in cuz my Mom would rather get us the latest toy instead of a new pair of pants for school...well my Grandparents are both no longer here, so I need to step up and ensure that MY KIDS needs are met! They have indirectly been suffering from this all as their Mommy hasn't really been around much trying to get this all settled...and dealing with my Mom and her whining...my kids have clothes (that I make mind you...to save on the cost) they have food in their bellies, and a roof over their head (even if it is really the basement of my Daddy's house right now...) so the majority of their needs are met...but they also need their Mommy as their still little...so I've put my foot down...I will take the money from the house get my Mom her trailer and get her into it...get my DH his GED and help him to get a job...and then I go from there...my Mom has called twice today crying for 1 thing or another (wants) and I've told her "no" and so she'd cry harder...but I can't give in anymore...there is a time she needs to learn that she is NOT the center of the universe...it's time she learns that...even my 20month old son knows the world isn't all about him he knows what the word "no" means...my Mom refuses to hear that word when it's being said towards her...so enough is enough, I will ensure she has a roof over her head and food in her belly (she has more then enough clothes...) and turn my back on the whining...that's it I've had it...

Grandma said "When I'm gone the family will fall apart...you'll need to be the strong one" well Grandma it didn't fall apart yet...shook to the core by you and Grandpa dying but not fallen apart by any means...BUT that day might be coming since I've put my foot down...

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Just A Mom? Happy Mother's Day!

I had a great Mother's Day really. I hope others did also. I got colored pictures from my kids, breakfast made by my DH, and lots of hugs and kisses from my kids. Every Mother's Day I think of this that I seen once...it's sooo true if you think about it...We're not "just a Mom" we're so much more.


Just a Mom?

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is, " explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a ...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in m midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters).  Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."

Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.


Does this make grandmothers
"Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human
Relations"
And great grandmothers
"Executive Senior Research Associates?"
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts "

Associate Research Assistants."

Friday, May 10, 2013

7 Years Ago Today...

Today is the day I asked my Mom to come over to celebrate her birthday. Her birthday had been on the 3rd but for certain reasons that day just didn't work. She didn't know why I had insisted she come over...and neither did I completely it seems. You see, 7yrs ago today is the day my Grandma died. She took her last breath at 9:16AM, the same moment the clock quit working and never worked right again...That clock was handed down through the family for generations and was to go to me but has gone missing. Will we ever see it? who knows. Does it work now? who knows. It quit working at 9:16 7yrs ago today...the same moment my Grandma took her last breath. Today I insisted my Mom come over even though she didn't know why, I wanted her to come for some cake and a good meal for her birthday. Afterwards I took her home, with her leftover cake; and on the way back home for me I remembered. Today is May 9th, the day Grandma died...now I know why I was so set on Mom coming today. You see...last yr at this time my Mom was hurt, due to what happened this day. My Mom called up my Grandpa and they talked about memories of Grandma and it helped her. This year my Grandpa's not here either...so she needed something to help her through the day. Something to look forward to. Well I asked her to come for supper...she said she was looking forward to it. She showed up, we ate...then she got her cake with happy birthday sang by the babies...it made the day a happy day for her even if I didn't know why it had to be today until after. I know this coming June 12th will be hard for her as well, maybe even harder then it may have been today. But I know that together we can get through it. Maybe I'll get some hot dogs and can grill em on the grill in memory of Grandpa who was always grilling hot dogs on the grill. I'm glad that today was a happy day even if it has some sad memories to go with it. I try to not dwell on my Grandparents actual deaths but on the memories I created before hand...
Memories of my Grandma I'm not sure I've ever posted, some would be baking chocolate chip cookies, making dumplings, planting the flower beds, Grandma's look of joy when I'd bring in the 1st lilacs for her table. My Grandma taught me to crochet and sew. We played Clue and Guess Who? together more times then I can count. We'd watch Wheel of Fortune together and see who could solve the puzzle first. When she lost her eyesight I helped her "see" I'd describe things for her, like the fall colors on the bottom road. I'd bring the 1st Lilacs to her so she could "see" them with her finger tips. I'd cut off some of the Apple Blossoms for her to "see" those too. I enjoyed being able to help my Grandma keep enjoying the things she always enjoyed even if she couldn't see. We'd still make cookies, jus the roles were switched, I did the reading of the recipe and she did the mixing up of the stuff. These are all memories that I cherish, and I always will cherish.
You can't dwell on the sadness in life...it causes you to become depressed. Instead you must dwell on the happiness in your life, I mean sure you'll have some sadness and it'll get you down but finding the happiness even if in memories of someone no longer here. Is really the key to happiness if you ask me. A person can't find happiness if they don't look for it so looking for that happiness is the key to happiness.

"...but Lord I have it all"

Listening to songs tonight before I head off to bed. A song by SHEdaisy hit a spot within me. It brought back memories of my Grandpa. "He's a Hero" by SHEdaisy. You see, my Grandpa is the man that 1 day long ago I wrote a paper about. A paper I was to write about MY hero. My hero was, and is my Grandpa. He's the man who taught me so much, the man who stood beside me when I needed someone right there and my Daddy was jus to far away. I know my Grandpa still stands beside me, I can feel him when I need him most jus like always. I miss my Grandpa dearly and as the 1yr anniversary of his death approaches I remember him with happiness. I don't remember those last days, but the days filled with love and laughter of my childhood. The days spent planting fruit trees and garden vegetables. The days spent cutting the grass together, the days spent playing on the swing set and in the teepee of old swing set poles and canvas. These are the memories that come flooding back to me when I hear the song "He's a Hero" He wasn't in any wars, but he fought the battles of a farmer. He always taught me to look for the good in all bad. The Apple Blossoms will be blooming soon...I know I'll be looking for them and enjoying them with my Grandpa like I use to back in the day..."When you see the Apple Blossoms, think of me" were the last words he said to me...

He's a young man
In his golden years
His hair of black now quickly fades to gray
The limp as he walks
Is his only souvenir
From those purple-hearted, war time days
But you don't hear him complain
No matter how the fall
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But Lord, I have it all

He's a hero
In my mother's eyes
He taught her how to raise me right
And never compromise
He always says he has
The finer things in life
Somewhere to live, someone to love
And the Good Book to live by
Some say his heart is big
Although his fortune's small
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But Lord, I have it all

A Rembrandt in his own right
A master at his craft
Creating something beautiful
A memory that will last
And always last

He's the constant
In our family
Beginning this long line of love with care
And even when he's gone
He'll watch over me
When I close my eyes at night, I feel him there

Wear my name well, my child
Be true and stand tall
You don't have a lot, he'd always say
But Lord you have it all

You don't have a lot, he'd always say
But thank the Lord, you have it all

Hero in my mother's eyes